


stop my heart from bleeding

by lightningstars (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, but my secret santa person wanted this so....ta-da i guess, im not sure how to feel abt this, im not sure if i like all of them but w.e., ta-da anyways, theres a lot of metaphors and weird prose in here, uhh ive never tried to write them?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 05:10:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9056824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/lightningstars
Summary: She climbs through the window and ends up getting caught in an awkward position like she always does. It takes away any secrecy from her even coming through the window when she swears loudly because she’s in an awkward position she can’t get out of. Its a very routine like event and Narcissa wonders why she still goes through with it.“You do realize” Narcissa starts, “that he isn’t here? He left like three days ago” She’s sitting on her black bed with a beer he wouldn’t approve of. She finds that she doesn’t really give a shit. He and his bullshit rules and manners and arrogance can fuck off.+aka an au where lily is scandalous, malfoy isn't there, and narcissa feels the weight of the world on her shoulders.





	

**Author's Note:**

> an;; dedicated to @susurrussapphic i was your hpfemslash person and i hope you had a a lovely month. i’m also not too familiar with lily/narcissa so i hope this was enough. thank you @hpfemsecretsanta for creating this.

She climbs through the window and ends up getting caught in an awkward position like she always does. It takes away any secrecy from her even coming through the window when she swears loudly because she’s in an awkward position she can’t get out of. Its a very routine like event and Narcissa wonders why she still goes through with it.

“You do realize” Narcissa starts, “that he isn’t here? He left like three days ago” She’s sitting on her black bed with a beer he wouldn’t approve of. She finds that she doesn’t really give a shit. He and his bullshit rules and manners and arrogance can fuck off.

Lily finally untangles herself and drops onto the floor. Narcissa rolls her eye but the corner of her lips twitch upwards hinting at a smile. 

“Well yeah but if I just strolled through the door where would be the scandalous part of that? We’re having an affair Cissa that means I have to be secretive about it. Don’t you watch movies?” Lily asks straightening up.

“Of course not I’m too pretty for that” Narcissa replies earning a snort from Lily. She walks over to the mini fridge she has and pulls out a bottle of red wine. She hates red wine, says it feels like a dragon eating her throat but its Malfoy’s favorite so there’s always red wine in stock.

 _Malfoy_. She needs to stop thinking him as a Malfoy, as someone separate from her since in a few months she’ll be a Malfoy too. Her throat burns at the thought of it so she drinks another sip of beer and pretends like shes a normal girl.

Lily’s lying on her bed her eyes closed. She’s wearing a crop top and her hair has shades of yellow dye in it. It looks good on her but in complete honesty Narcissa has yet to see Lily in something that doesn’t look good on her. Her heart is ten sizes too big for her ribcage and she wonders if it’ll ever shrink down. She isn’t sure if she wants it to.

“So,” Lily starts her arm covering her eyes. Narcissa knows it’s so Lily doesn’t have to look at her. Her heart feels too heavy to still be carried in her too-small body. “Where is he now?”

Narcissa takes another sip wondering where he was.Sometimes he left without telling her and would show up days later with a glint in his eye. “London” she finally lies. It doesn’t matter.

Sighing Narcissa stands up. She wants to _do_ something, run until she can’t feel her skin, scream until her throat burns, fight till her fists fall off. Instead she opts to open the window and starts climbing. Lily looks up at her a single brow raised.

“Cissa what’re you doing?”

Narcissa doesn’t respond and uses the little upper body strength she has to pull herself up. The roof is nice, gray tiles all properly placed alongside each other. The sun hits the roof, warmth flooding through her body. Clouds lazily make their way across the sky. Behind her she can hear Lily groaning as she pulls herself up. Narcissa stands at the top of the roof waiting patiently.

Lily leans her head on Narcissa’s shoulder. “Hey you alright?”

She’s about to say no, she hasn’t been alright since her family name turned into smoke and she had been engaged to Malfoy. She’s about to say no because the ring he gave her was oh so expensive but weighed more than the two of them combined. She’s about to say no because her bones haven’t felt light in years and she isn’t sure if they ever will. But she looks at Lily who is watching her patiently, who gets everyone to love her after a few seconds, who picks roses and puts them in Narcissa’s hair and names each of the pillows in her room and forces out a smile that looks genuine. She’s getting better at forcing out smiles and keeping her lips sealed. 

“Yeah ‘course I am Lils”

Lily scans her and she opens her mouth as if she’s going to say ‘no, you aren’t’ but instead closes it and looks out at the neighborhood. Its a nice neighborhood, with rich people who spend their days wondering if they should buy the necklace or the earring. Narcissa wants to burn their money to the ground.

Lily moves away to sit on the opposite side of the roof and Narcissa feels the spot where her hand touched hers like its an everlasting burn. And this is awful because she keeps falling in love with the girl a little more, she keeps savoring her kisses when she should be shutting her out, she keeps going back when she’s supposed to be staying away and it’s awful. She forces her legs to move and to sit down with Lily. She looks out to the sky and tells Narcissa that someday she’s going to paint all of it. Someday she’ll break into the house and climb to the very same roof and paint her and the skylight and everything as if she’s going to be able to do it everyday. As if they have forever.

When she leaves that night Narcissa watches her figure walk in the dark. She dreams of the two of them lying in bed, not doing anything, just giggling and planning for the day. She dreams of them walking into clubs and turning the place sideways, she dreams of kissing Lily so hard it makes her head dizzy. She dreams of making pillow forts that fall apart and accidentally eating the last cookie. In the morning she wakes up feeling as if a bullet pierced her skin leaving her to bleed.

**Author's Note:**

> [cant get enough of fucked up prose? heres my tumblr](http://www.isabellarosaline.tumblr.com)


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